03-28-2017, 02:29 AM
Hi everyone, I’m Jules and I’m glad to be here!
Kiki’s videos and they many articles on this site resonate with me. I started a metabolism reset/reverse diet 5-6 weeks ago.
Some background info (though my history is probably similar to many of your stories), sorry it’s long!:
I’ve always been at a normal weight, but never slender and always wishing I could get rid of some squishiness. When I began my veterinary medicine degree at 19 years old, like many university students, I was suddenly under a lot of pressure and didn’t really know how to deal with it. I restricted to a low bmi for the first time, at 1200 calories. I had never dieted before, so the weight just fell off. At first the weight loss was innocent and I received a lot of compliments, but as time grew and I couldn’t (wouldn’t?) stick to a higher calorie diet despite knowing I needed to, I slipped down the slippery slope into a full blown eating disorder. I constantly thought about food, exercised religiously, was a pain to be around and too thin.
After multiple months of lowish calories(I never dipped lower than 1200 kcal), I decided to recover. I recovered ‘properly’ on a high calorie diet and got to a normal, albeit still low bmi while eating 2000-2500 kcals. I was still struggling with body image, dealing with stress, perfectionism etc, so it wasn’t long lasting. I lost weight again, recovered again…
The last time I began recovery after getting to a bmi of 16, I lost the careful control I had had during anorexia. My body decided to fight back and wanted to eat EVERYTHING. Instead of recovering on a high calorie diet, I fell into a binge / restrict cycle, consuming food in a frenzy, the next day trying to compensate, which of course turned into a vicious cycle. I’ve discovered the binge / restrict cycle is quite devastating for your metabolism. I couldn’t deal with the weight gain that accompanied my loss of control and tried to diet on 1500ish kcals a few times, lost a few kgs and then regained them, bingeing all the way. This binge / restrict cycle lasted up to now, so for about…2-3 years?
Writing all this down makes me realize how much time I’ve spent in this horrible relationship with food. When you’re in your own head, you sometimes don’t realize how crazy your thinking is, you know?
Currently, I want to heal my mental state and my relationship with food. I’m so tired of this weighing down on me and diets, bingeing and restricting consuming me. I’ve read (actually, listened, as an audiobook) Brain over Binge by Katharyn Hansen. For those unfamiliar with it, it proposes that bingeing is a habit that can become ingrained, but that can also be corrected. I’ve also incorporated Lydia Wente’s Beat the Binge ‘chatter strategies’. Both underline the fact that binge habit recovery should happen when you’re eating at maintenance, and not when in a deficit.
TL;DR: After anorexia and bingeing/restricting, I really need to heal my metabolism and I want eliminate my bingeing habits. I really believe this path with help heal the damage I’ve inflicted on myself, both physically and mentally.
I’ve been resetting for 5 weeks or so. The reset it going fairly well, I would say, actually!
Some stats: Female, 24 years old, 160 cm/5’3, started 13.2.2017 at 55.9 kg, 1500 kcal;
I jumped to 1800 kcal and then added 100 kcals every 1-2 weeks.
I’m currently 56.9 kg/123 lbs at 2000 kcal. I’ve had fluctuations from 56.1-57.2 kg.
I really don’t enjoy stepping on the scale, so I weigh in only every couple of days. Calculators have spit out a TDEE of 1800-2200 kcals, depending on physical activity, so I think I’m pretty much at TDEE.
Most importantly, bingeing tendencies have lessened. This has actually been my main goal, with the metabolism reset a close second hope. I want to heal my relationship with food by doing this reset and working on my bingeing habit. This is a priority over any weight loss or physique goal. I still feel binge-y sometimes (this morning…), but I’m working on it.
- I’m sticking to 2000 kcal for at least another week, as it is currently my TOM and I prefer to not weigh in too much during this time. I’m fairly certain my TDEE (average) is not higher than 2000 kcal (I’m short and at a normal BMI).
- I’m hoping to stick to TDEE until July (15-20 weeks at TDEE) at least. I don’t think my history allows for a shorter metabolism reset, and I need the mental break.
- After that, if I feel confident and bingeing habits are nonexistent, I’ll begin a slow cut as laid out in the guide (1700 kcal). If at any time I feel binge-y, I’m going back to TDEE.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading if you did! I need a place to write all this down and get out of my head. I’ve found that writing in journals spirals into very negative thinking for me, so I’m grateful for the platform that allows me to express myself but remain positive!
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Fueling Life - Jules - 03-28-2017 02:29 AM
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