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once again, a new thread...no progress :\
01-19-2014, 09:51 PM
Post: #1
once again, a new thread...no progress :\
Sorry to start a new thread again, i just wasn't sure if you guys go through older ones and reply to newer questions, so thought id be annoying and start another one.

Ill go into quite some detail as I'm absolutely sick of everything in regards to myself/weight so i may as well give it a last shot.

4-5years ago, i was diagnosed with Anorexia and put into hospital for a month and then went through outpatient recovery as well, i lost 20kgs but eating around 500cals a day and exercising on top of that, most days it was x2 hours a day. When i finally decided to stop hurting my family (didn't really do this for myself) i got healthy, saw a personal trainer and began eating more again. This was 2 years ago, i began piling on the weight even by eating 1400 cals + exercise. After gang around 10kgs I found this website (around 1 year ago) and decided to up my cals even further and completed a metabolism reset (i gained another 10kgs which put me up to 68kgs)


i was so upset, but pushed through it. i did a metabolism reset for 12 weeks (or more, can not remember now) and then went onto a cut, which didn't work. so i went back to maintenance and then cut again which only kind of worked, i lost maybe 2-3kgs. i only reset to 2000cals though (i guess i was impatient) and then went on a holiday and like 2-3kgs whilst eating more which was awesome, got down from 63kgs to 59.9kgs, but then gained it all back when i came home, so i started eating 500 cals less, but no change.

i then began eating at maintenance (2300cals ) for a month and came back down to 1950cals, no weight loss. back up to 2300cals and then 1800cals (which is now...6 months after my holiday/begin of plateau) and in the first week i lost 400grams which was good but i wasn't excited because i assumed it was water weight, i was right because this is the second week and I've gained 300g since last week. granted, 4 days ago i did get my period, but its pretty much finished now so it should not have been a reason why i weigh more.

here are my stats now:
-5'5
-165cam
-64.3kgs
-20 years old
-train x4 per week (1 ½ hours per session roughly)
and walk around 15-30 minutes per night
- i lift heavy in training (up to 100kgs on leg days) and end with 5-10 minutes high intensity cardio
-im a personal trainer so on my feet up to 5 hours per day, rest sitting/standing
-BMR 1475

Previous TDEE was around 2300 cals, but that was if i put down 3-5hours training p/w...which maybe was wrong?

(i never know what to use as my activity level, i used to use 3-5 hours and have a TDEE of roughly 2300, but with all the walks and 1.5hours of exercise x4 per week, I'm thinking maybe it should be 5-6 hours?)

so TDEE (for 5-6hours training p/w) is 2544cals and the cut is 2035cals
at 20%

should i maybe begin eating 2540 cals a day for 2 weeks (or more? suggestion?) and then try out this new cut?

I'm just so upset because i honestly just feel like giving up. I've tried to get healthy and i am, but my body is just not giving in. i did get to a stage where i was looking more for health over weight, but its hard when all my clothes don't fit and no inches or anything is being lost either. i literally wear 1 pair of shorts and have to wash them all the time because nothing else fits. this has now been for 2 years. its really depressing.

i also did go through a stage with my thyroid where my TSH levels were higher and i was put on thyroxine for hypothyroidism, but for about a year I've been off them and the doctor said my metabolism should be a lot higher now...but i don't feel like it is.

please, if anyone can see ANYTHING wrong with what I'm doing, or what i should be doing , please let me know. I've honestly been trying so hard but i feel like such a failure as a personal trainer as not even i can lose weight, so how can i help my clients...

Thank you for reading this anyway
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01-20-2014, 12:58 PM
Post: #2
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
I am also a 5'5" female and weigh about 140 lbs, give or take a couple depending on the day, and I work a much more sedentary job than you do, but my TDEE is 2495-2700... I am thinking that you are not eating enough calories?? It sounds like you get an extreme amount of exercise.
I too was anorexic for years and am trying to get healthy, but am hating weighing 140 lbs... sometimes it is such a struggle to continue eating so much and I just want to fall back into my old ways or under eating and over exercising... but then I remember how that made me feel. Exhausted, dizzy, cranky, and having heart palpitations. Then I think about how I feel now- energetic, no heart issues, and generally happy as long as I stay away from the damn scale.
I come back to this site and gokaleo.com whenever the going gets rough and it brings me back to my senses.
But anyway, I am getting off topic... my suggestion is eat more. And I know that can be a little frustrating to hear...
and buy some more clothes! feel good about your body now. it is healthy and strong and you should be damn proud of it.
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01-20-2014, 01:59 PM
Post: #3
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
Hi Sasha! I glad you haven't given up! I would suggest you STOP counting calories for awhile! Stressing over all the numbers of TDEE, activity level is very overwhelming, especially when it seems nothing you are doing is working. Eat when You're hungry, fuel your workouts, include protein in every meal. When lifting focus in getting stronger, increasing the weights!
Also notice what you did when a positive change happened: went on holiday, eating more, got down from 63kg to 59 kg.

Joan
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken! kiss

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/jaeone
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01-20-2014, 03:02 PM
Post: #4
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
I am a 5'2" female and gained over the holidays and now weigh the same as you. My TDEE for moderate activity is 2200 and I am doing a cut to 1800. I did a metabolism reset since the end of last summer and am praying i can lose the fat I gained. I kept upping it because I found out I wasn't at my true TDEE. I would say if you lost while you were on holiday you must have only then eaten at or past your true TDEE. The same happened to me when I stopped counting calories.
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01-20-2014, 09:03 PM
Post: #5
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
thank you for the suggestions guys, i don't 100% count my calories, i estimate but to be honest i don't think i can give that up, because then I'm pretty sure ill under eat. i will keep you guys updated, would you suggest i go straight up to 2500 cals or ease up to it over 3 weeks or so?
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01-20-2014, 09:21 PM
Post: #6
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
Hey Sasha!

I know you're so frustrated. Anyone that has been in your position (myself included) has felt the same.

I agree with Joan on taking a break from the numbers. The stress that you're going through (while understandable) will only compound the issue. I hear that you're saying you originally rehabbed for your family's sake. What are your reasons now??

A huge part of the metabolism reset is the mental aspect. Do you feel that the ED thoughts are still strong in the back of your mind somewhere as a last resort?

I ask because of the phrases "didn't work" appearing so much in your post. I'm sure you've already discovered that this is no quick fix, but constantly waiting for it to "work" can produce those quick fix mindset/limitations on us. You've put in the time so far, so please don't give up now. You are worth doing whatever it takes to heal. I feel your pain as a personal trainer, having walked the walk of feeling like how can I train others when I can't help myself.

But, TRUST me when I say that when you get on the other side of this, it will make you that much more dynamic of a trainer. Someone who can have a true, life-changing impact on the clients blessed to be trained by you. This experience will prove to be unequaled in every way, as far as how it grows you as both an individual and a leader. But that's a bonus that you will never experience if you quit now.

Remember that traditional ED recovery can take anywhere from 6-9 months, and that's with full adherence and with all conditions perfect. Your first two years, since you never reached your full TDEE, were not enough to initiate full healing.

We can't be sure that things aren't "working" based on your weigh-ins because, even though your period just started 4 days ago, it doesn't mean that you're not still retaining some water. The follicular phase of your cycle lasts 14 days, and during that time, your body releases more growth hormone than usual. So if you are lifting heavy and hitting your macros, you can likely gain a tad muscle during this two week period as well.

But all in all, the water weight from TOM can take a full 7-10 days to dissipate.

Regardless, my suggestions to you would be the following:
1. Keep your protein high (1-1.3g/lb of bw) and consistent, as you are likely still in recovery. - so if you're, say 68kg, you should be getting at least 150-195g protein/day. Period.
2. Eat at a much smaller deficit (or none at all), a 20% deficit, considering your history is much too steep.
3. Know that you can and WILL succeed, and allow your body the time and space to do so (i.e. stay off the scale, take a step back from the numbers and whatever else is causing stress).

Kiki (aka rambling )
EM2WL.com
My MFP Diary


Looking for me? Follow the chocolate trail cool ....
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01-21-2014, 10:47 AM
Post: #7
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
(01-20-2014 09:21 PM)Kiki Wrote:  Hey Sasha!

I know you're so frustrated. Anyone that has been in your position (myself included) has felt the same.

I agree with Joan on taking a break from the numbers. The stress that you're going through (while understandable) will only compound the issue. I hear that you're saying you originally rehabbed for your family's sake. What are your reasons now??

A huge part of the metabolism reset is the mental aspect. Do you feel that the ED thoughts are still strong in the back of your mind somewhere as a last resort?

I ask because of the phrases "didn't work" appearing so much in your post. I'm sure you've already discovered that this is no quick fix, but constantly waiting for it to "work" can produce those quick fix mindset/limitations on us. You've put in the time so far, so please don't give up now. You are worth doing whatever it takes to heal. I feel your pain as a personal trainer, having walked the walk of feeling like how can I train others when I can't help myself.

But, TRUST me when I say that when you get on the other side of this, it will make you that much more dynamic of a trainer. Someone who can have a true, life-changing impact on the clients blessed to be trained by you. This experience will prove to be unequaled in every way, as far as how it grows you as both an individual and a leader. But that's a bonus that you will never experience if you quit now.

Remember that traditional ED recovery can take anywhere from 6-9 months, and that's with full adherence and with all conditions perfect. Your first two years, since you never reached your full TDEE, were not enough to initiate full healing.

We can't be sure that things aren't "working" based on your weigh-ins because, even though your period just started 4 days ago, it doesn't mean that you're not still retaining some water. The follicular phase of your cycle lasts 14 days, and during that time, your body releases more growth hormone than usual. So if you are lifting heavy and hitting your macros, you can likely gain a tad muscle during this two week period as well.

But all in all, the water weight from TOM can take a full 7-10 days to dissipate.

Regardless, my suggestions to you would be the following:
1. Keep your protein high (1-1.3g/lb of bw) and consistent, as you are likely still in recovery. - so if you're, say 68kg, you should be getting at least 150-195g protein/day. Period.
2. Eat at a much smaller deficit (or none at all), a 20% deficit, considering your history is much too steep.
3. Know that you can and WILL succeed, and allow your body the time and space to do so (i.e. stay off the scale, take a step back from the numbers and whatever else is causing stress).

I can't even tell you how much this means to me Kiki, your answer (along with everyone else's) has made me feel a little better. to answer some of the questions, i did recover for my family, and then i went through stages i guess of doing it for myself and then back to family, basically back and forth when i felt like i was just forever stuck in the limbo of not losing weight. Yes the thought of relapsing is unfortunately always in the back of my mind as a comfort to know i don't have to always look like this. The thing was that i did mentally get better with knowing that i am ok with eating more, and gaining in the process, but when nothing was progressing i started feeling really down again, and sinking back into not so great thoughts, but i never gave up, i still made sure to eat enough calories, i was just sad whilst doing it.

i started getting a little worried again though that my metabolism was slowing down as this is my 3rd week on 1800cal cut and I'm not as hungry as i initially was to begin with, but maybe I'm just overthinking it like usual.

and when you say not to cut or do a minimal cut, for how long would you suggest? just to wait it out and see how things are going? id like to get to my new TDEE of around 2500, but I'm scared if i go straight to that from 2300 ill gain weight like i did last time. should i do this in a slower process like maybe over 3-4 weeks? and then stay there for a month or so? and then cut? ughh so just confused, I'm planning on buying the starter kit soon just to get some extra insight i guess.

thank you so much for your support x
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01-21-2014, 06:14 PM
Post: #8
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
You should be incredibly proud of yourself for not giving up. I've seen many ladies get so down that they give up, only to find themselves literally come full circle within the next year or two. Once the time passes, they realize that they could've at least put that time in (that they originally thought was "too long") into doing it the right way -- rather than going backwards and having to start over.

I don't think you need more than a 10-15% deficit right outta the gate.

I usually suggest doing it all slowly. The original cal increase for reset (by only 50-100cal at a time - stopping at each level until you plateau - until you reach TDEE), and also when moving back down to cut after reset.

I understand the fear of rapid gain, which is why I recommend the slow increase. Then once you cut, you only want to lower cals just slightly to start losing, and then take them back up to maintenance for 1 week every 4-6 weeks or so to avoid your body adapting to the new cal level and to give yourself mental break from cutting. You don't want to get back into the "perpetual diet" mode for long periods of time.. It breaks you down mentally and physically. Taking your time in all areas of the process also helps you to mentally get stronger, which enables you to help others along later. One day you'll be strolling through the forums and run across a post that will sound so similar to this one that it could've been written by you, and you'll smile at how far you've come. wink

Kiki (aka rambling )
EM2WL.com
My MFP Diary


Looking for me? Follow the chocolate trail cool ....
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01-21-2014, 08:58 PM
Post: #9
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
if you only need to go up 200, I don't think you would have much to worry about with gaining weight.... but if you are concerned maybe go up 100 for a week and then another 100. I know what you mean about dropping under calories if you don't pay attention... when i dont count calories I usually end up eating like 900 under... ugh... who woulda thought it would be so hard to EAT?? But after years of abusing our bodies it is going to take time to re- regulate. I would suggest that you will know when it is time to do a "cut" when it is NOT a struggle to eat the right amount of calories. and also, I would say dont do a cut until you are positive that you are actually eating enough. with all of the exercise you get I am thinking even 2500 might be a little low?? But then again,I have not even attempted to cut yet....I would like to, because I do want to be a size 5 again, but at the same time, I know that with me constantly falling under in the amount of calories I need, a cut would just probably send me into "starvation mode" again and slow down my metabolism again.... definitley not what I want to happen. Keep posting! Maybe we can figure out this together...
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01-27-2014, 05:58 PM
Post: #10
RE: once again, a new thread...no progress :\
(01-21-2014 08:58 PM)nicoles Wrote:  if you only need to go up 200, I don't think you would have much to worry about with gaining weight.... but if you are concerned maybe go up 100 for a week and then another 100. I know what you mean about dropping under calories if you don't pay attention... when i dont count calories I usually end up eating like 900 under... ugh... who woulda thought it would be so hard to EAT?? But after years of abusing our bodies it is going to take time to re- regulate. I would suggest that you will know when it is time to do a "cut" when it is NOT a struggle to eat the right amount of calories. and also, I would say dont do a cut until you are positive that you are actually eating enough. with all of the exercise you get I am thinking even 2500 might be a little low?? But then again,I have not even attempted to cut yet....I would like to, because I do want to be a size 5 again, but at the same time, I know that with me constantly falling under in the amount of calories I need, a cut would just probably send me into "starvation mode" again and slow down my metabolism again.... definitley not what I want to happen. Keep posting! Maybe we can figure out this together...

I know exactly what you mean, thanks for the suggestions. I am upping my calories and have increase from 1800 last week, and now and eating at 2350 cals this week and wanted to go up to 2400 by mid week, but in 3 day my weight has gone up from 64.4kgs to 65.5 kgs now to 66.1kgs and it honestly is very disheartening. I am only 50 cals higher from my previous maintenance level and i apparently have gained almost 2kgs?! should i stay eating this amount of calories until the weight stops going up/comes back down or should i just keep upping to around 2500-2600 cals and then wait there for a few weeks?

sorry for so many questions guys, its just whenever i feel something should work, it doesn't, so asking around is the best thing for me at this moment in time.
Thanks again everyone
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