Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 1 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Finally working on gaining...
04-30-2014, 01:42 PM
Post: #1
Finally working on gaining...
What am I trying to gain?

Confidence, mental fortitude, muscle, pride, life

I wrote this as a blog on MFP, as for some reason I can't log onto this site from my home computer... tech is working on it...

I should have started this journal weeks ago… just like I should have taken measurements and pictures. But similar to the journey itself, better late than never!

My history:

I have always been overweight. Always. As a kid I was active, and my family ate very healthy, but I LOVED food. It was always about the quantity, whatever it was. My mother (with the best of intentions) got special permission from my doctor to start me on Weight Watchers at 8 years old. She monitored every bite of food that went into my mouth. She tried to be subtle, just a small shake of her head when I would reach for seconds. Measuring everything with a scale and measuring cups/spoons became my daily routine. And so began my new favourite activity: food hoarding and closet eating. I would steal small amounts of whatever I could get my hands on, and hide it away until I had enough for a proper binge. I would think about my stash for days, letting the excitement and anticipation build until I could eat with wild abandon. I got caught once, chowing down on three rows of soda crackers (one row stolen from each family-sized box until I had enough, the rest of the time I had to count out six crackers, the allotted serving size) and my mom was mortified... It took weeks for me to convince her it was a one-time thing, and I had to put my "hobby" on hold for months. This carried on into my teens, getting much worse when I was old enough to go buy food myself.

The funny thing is, even though I always felt horrifically fat… I actually wasn’t. I was overweight, yes, but not obese (not yet, anyway). I know for sure that I was 152 lbs at my high school graduation (I almost didn’t go because I had a personal goal to only go to grad if I could get under 150). After high school I moved away for a year, and piled on almost 50lbs in a year. Mostly due to drinking and not exercising AT ALL while eating crap food. Who knew? Lol. I moved back home after that for University, and in those 5 years the weight went up and down and up and down. I was ALWAYS on a diet. WW (4-5 different times), I did Slimfast, diet pills of all kinds, starvation/over-exercising, took up smoking, the ol’ binge n’ purge, Atkins, Dukan, South Beach, Eat Clean Diet, Glycemic Index Diet, more WW, Herbal Magic (I did actually lose over 40lbs on this one, gained back 20), the New Atkins, DNA testing…. And on and on and on.

In my 20’s I also married an emotionally distant man, and went on to have two awesome kids. Pregnant with my son I gained 80lbs, to top out at my all-time high of 268lbs. I lost about 40 of that between my two kids, then after my daughter was born (2007) I finally decided ENOUGH!!! I felt awful all the time. I was unhealthy, unfit, depressed, and I kept all my feelings (and the hidden food) inside… so I decided to make a change. The "regular" way, eating less and exercising more. I started going to bootcamp three times a week. I started Herbal Magic at that time, and was accountable for the first time in decades for what I was eating. I started feeling better, getting more fit, lost 40lbs… got down to about 215lbs. That was in 2009. I have not been able to lose any more since then. The last 5 years I have stayed relatively fit with bootcamp, golfing, walking, although I have knee and foot issues that make activity hard at times. I have waivered between the “crack down”, keeping my cals under 1200 (or even under 900) and periodically counting carbs as well, lose 15lbs, then plateau and eventually start binging again. Give up, gain it back. Repeat. I have lost and gained the same 15 lbs easily a dozen times!!! During that time, my husband became my ex-husband. For the last three years I have been with the most amazingly supportive and wonderful man, with whom I can share all my thoughts and feelings about my body, my weight, my goals, and WHO LOVES ME JUST AS I AM!

So, how did I come across EM2WL? I have used MFP off and on over the years (also SP and FS for anyone who is familiar with the options) and was using it in combination with Low Carb Friends forums to do JUDDD alternate day fasting (my sister is on it and has had great success). This was the worst diet EVER for me! A diet that allows me to binge and starve and binge and starve? It was like my disordered eating dream diet! Two months on that had me GAIN 5 more lbs, and feel more out of control than ever before! Then, one fateful day, another LCF member was talking on a forum about how she had plateaued, and someone suggested she check out doing a “metabolism reset”.

WHAT’S THAT?!? I asked with interest! I clicked on a link to the EM2WL site, and down the rabbit hole I went!!! For days I read and read and read about it. I downloaded the e-book. I bought the New Rules for Lifting For Women they recommended. I downloaded pocasts that Kiki and Lucia were interviewed on.
It all made SO much sense! I have been starving for 25 years!!! And clearly it's not working. So, I was ready.

April 6th, 2014, I started to eat more. A LOT more! I usually am either carefully counting calories and keeping them under 1000, or binging uncontrollably and eating around 4000. So this was crazy different for me! Eating healthily and mindfully, yet eating my TDEE of 2700cals a day... it was really hard! I haven't eaten three meals a day on a consistent basis for..... I don't even know how long! Now I'm eating 6 meals a day! My starting weight was 225.6lbs. I went down a few pounds at first, then back up. I'm sitting at 227.3lbs today. At the same time, I started on the NROLFW program. I am heavy lifting three days a week. I am just past the halfway mark in Stage 1, and so far I really enjoy it! It isn't TOO difficult so far, but I hear it will get a lot harder! Bring it!

So there is my story. I really want this to be the beginning of the story where it ends with "and I am finally at a healthy weight and feel good about myself".

Thanks for reading!

Laura
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
04-30-2014, 03:38 PM
Post: #2
RE: Finally working on gaining...
I identify with so much of your story! I too always felt overweight and uncomfortable since middle school but I really wasnt. And then when I did start gaining weight and becoming over weight I won't feel worse and worse about myself. Looking back on those pictures of myself as a teenager I get so upset for letting my thoughts keep me from enjoying being a kid and going to the beach or parties because I felt fat when really I looked great. I believe that skewed way of negative talk towards myself is for sure a huge part of what led me to gain weight. I also had a similar revelation and discovery of the em2wl site -- once I found it I just read and devoured everything I could from these awesome ladies!

So I just wanted to say congrats on your journey and mind change. The mental game is such a big part of this whole thing! Stay strong, and stay active on these forums! I really feel it helps to know there are people out there going through the exact same process and cheering for your success with every step! Our stories won't end when we reach that final goal -- we will just continue to grow and yearn for more goals and then be a motivation for others!!

your greatest self has been waiting your whole life; don't make it wait any longer!
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
04-30-2014, 03:51 PM
Post: #3
RE: Finally working on gaining...
Such an awesome story and I am so excited for you! Please keep us up-to-date on your progress, and know that we are here to help you through the process...

Anitra Soto
Team EM2WL
ISSA Certified Fitness Trainer
ISSA Certified Specialist in Senior Fitness

My EM2WL Journey: http://eatmore2weighless.com/never-too-old-anitra/
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
04-30-2014, 04:13 PM
Post: #4
RE: Finally working on gaining...
Thanks! I totally agree with you Ninja... I feel like I missed out on so much of my life! When I look back at the same exact pictures that disgusted me back then, I now think "HOT DAMN, I was (am) beautiful!!!"

No more wasting time.

Laura
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
04-30-2014, 04:21 PM
Post: #5
RE: Finally working on gaining...
Hi Laura, thanks for sharing you story! Time to start living!

Joan
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken! kiss

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/jaeone
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
04-30-2014, 10:09 PM
Post: #6
RE: Finally working on gaining...
Today was hard... I'm just so painfully tired, yesterday too. But TOM is on the way, and I'm crazy busy, so I'm hoping I'll feel better by Sunday when things slow down. I still have 300cals to eat, and it's going to be protein, as I'm low on it today. Not sure what yet...

Laura
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
04-30-2014, 11:07 PM
Post: #7
RE: Finally working on gaining...
It ended up being beer. Lol. Not the healthy choice I anticipated.

Laura
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
05-01-2014, 11:04 AM
Post: #8
RE: Finally working on gaining...
Late night last night, so scrambly morning... I'm not happy with the foods I have for the day, but they will have to do. I am feeling a little less exhausted this morning, so that's a plus. Also, on the scale this morning I was down 2.5lbs. So that puts me only 1lb up in the 3.5 weeks I've been on the reset. I had it in my head that it was more like 8lbs, which is actually isn't. I need to remember that the scale fluctuates each day, and to look at the monthly report before I start freaking out. lol

So, almost 4 weeks, which is perhaps a third of the way through my reset (if I start to cut at 12 weeks) and I haven't really gained much, even though I am eating 2500-2700 cals a day overall.

Laura
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
05-01-2014, 12:52 PM
Post: #9
RE: Finally working on gaining...
(05-01-2014 11:04 AM)LauCo77 Wrote:  Late night last night, so scrambly morning... I'm not happy with the foods I have for the day, but they will have to do. I am feeling a little less exhausted this morning, so that's a plus. Also, on the scale this morning I was down 2.5lbs. So that puts me only 1lb up in the 3.5 weeks I've been on the reset. I had it in my head that it was more like 8lbs, which is actually isn't. I need to remember that the scale fluctuates each day, and to look at the monthly report before I start freaking out. lol

So, almost 4 weeks, which is perhaps a third of the way through my reset (if I start to cut at 12 weeks) and I haven't really gained much, even though I am eating 2500-2700 cals a day overall.

Wow - that is some awesome progress! Keep it up!applause

Anitra Soto
Team EM2WL
ISSA Certified Fitness Trainer
ISSA Certified Specialist in Senior Fitness

My EM2WL Journey: http://eatmore2weighless.com/never-too-old-anitra/
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
05-02-2014, 04:28 AM
Post: #10
RE: Finally working on gaining...
Hey Laura - yeah for posting it over here too - that way I can see what you reply happy

If tired - eat more! I know but its what worked for me - and sometimes I find I need more carbs vs protein - so you just have to find what works best for you

Way to go on scales too!!

Hope today is a good day!
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Finally Teachertoo's journal teachertoo 40 10,784 04-17-2017 06:56 AM
Last Post: FionaSchipke
Wink Working through Beautiful Badass :) LikeAGirl 195 105,244 02-21-2017 10:44 PM
Last Post: LikeAGirl
Wink It's MY time to change....finally Jdnara 31 8,672 05-04-2016 09:03 PM
Last Post: AnitraSoto

Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 3 Guest(s)