Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 3 Votes - 2.67 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
08-05-2015, 04:17 PM
Post: #1
Thumbs Up Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
So, I've decided to start a diary. I hope people will read it, maybe even comment every now and again, possibly even offer support and encouragement. That would be lovely. But if not, I am writing it for me. I am hoping that, by putting my feelings into words at each point of this journey, I will be able to read back and see that I never, ever, ever want to feel this way again and so I will work harder to stay away from it in the future.

A little bit of background: I discovered EM2WL in May and have risen from 1400 callries to 2400 with only about a 4 pound gain. Brilliant! I love this. I believe in it.I am committed to creating a new life for myself where weight loss does not require me to cut to 1000 calories and where health matters more than weight. I am committed to building a strong, healthy body and a mind to go with it, where a slice of cake does not mean failure and a glass of wine on the weekend does not make me feel ridiculously guilty. I believe EM2WL can change my life and I am sooooooo grateful to have found it and to the people, particularly Anitra, who have so far helped me.

HOWEVER, right now, this very minute, I feel blue. I go on holiday on Friday; two weeks of feeling awful in a swimming costume, telling myself over and over again that playing with my kids is more important than whether people are looking at my cellulite with disgust. Usually, I go on holiday a stone or two lighter than I am right now because I have spent the Spring dieting. This year, I am going at almost my peak weight, just over 13 stone. This makes me feel sad!! I feel so ugly. i am ashamed of myself and my horrible body. My belly is literally a sack of fat that I can no longer suck in. My legs are wobbly. I feel uncomfortable in my body and I know I am unhealthy.

I know that in a month, when I intend to cut back to 2000 calories, I will feel fine again, stronger and back in control. I know that I can, and will, do this. Just right now, today, I feel crap. I know the holiday will add weight, I know I will gain weight, eat too much and drink too much. I know I shouldn't be okay with that but I am. Partly because I know it won't damage me like in previous years where I would gain a stone in two weeks of holiday because I'd been eating at such a ridiculous deficit for so long beforehand. I know I won't put on anywhere near that much this year. I also don't care though because it's my holiday, and I intend to have fun.

But, when I come home, I will settle back into my macros, and then I will cut. I can't wait.

Today I had a spray tan. It was mortifyingly embarrassing getting near naked with a stranger. Whilst I was standing there, red with shame, I made a mental promise to myself, so here it is, on 'paper', for myself to re-read in two weeks time when I am back from holiday and raring to go....

My name's Dakota and I will never, ever, ever feel this bad about my body ever again. Hooray for that!thinking
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-05-2015, 04:43 PM
Post: #2
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
I can promise you that no one will be staring at your cellulite...because we're all too worried about our own bodies. Even the 'skinny people'. Don't be ashamed of the body that gave you a child, that lives your life, etc. It's gotten you to here. And yes, we'll support you every single day of this process.
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-05-2015, 09:06 PM
Post: #3
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
I'm with mrsukyankee here. Most people will be into their own drama to worry about X or Y about you. Anything they say or do is a reflection of them, not you. And if they are saying/doing anything negative, then they are doing 10x that to themselves behind the scene. So no worries. happy Be a proud, confident, strong, smart woman and enjoy that sunny weather in whatever you wear. You are worth it.

Enjoy your vacation! Glad to have you around!
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-14-2015, 02:19 PM (This post was last modified: 08-14-2015 02:20 PM by Dakota.)
Post: #4
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
Half way through my holiday and, frankly, looking and feeling like a barrel. All inclusive is bad!!! It's so hot, my clothes are uncomfortable, even the baggy ones. i am trying to be sensible with food but am drinking more than I should, diet wise. Havibg a great time though, and managing to do the swimming costume thing without too much shame. When my daughter's friend said to me "you're a fun mum because you come in the pool and stuff" I had a breakthrough moment of 'she didn't notice my lumps and bumps when she said that, she just saw me playing and enjoying myself with my kids'. I know that, this year, that is what counts.

Having said that, I'm feeling very fat, very unattractive and I cannot wait to start shifting this weight. This time next year I will be in a bikini. That is my goal. Hola!
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-14-2015, 02:56 PM
Post: #5
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
Yes! Through the eyes of a child. They know what is important in life.
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-14-2015, 03:35 PM
Post: #6
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
Go you! Enjoy your holiday and then get refocused when you come back on the whole process. And I look forward to your bikini next year (I'm wearing one in Sept even though I feel a bit 'heavier' than I would love).
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-14-2015, 11:24 PM
Post: #7
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
Enjoy your holiday, you deserve this. I'm sure other people on the cruise has their own insecurities no matter their weight. You deserve to have fun and be happy.

No old roads lead to new destinations.
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-15-2015, 01:13 AM
Post: #8
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
Right here with you sister! I have two babies now and omg, I never though I'd weigh what I do let alone wear the size that I do. I was half this weight not even 6 years ago. In 2009 I was a size 10 (about 10.5 stone) and now in 2015 I'm a size 20 (19 stone) with thyroid disease to match. Sad The depression over it this has been crushing and cruel but that's the society we live in. Instead of celebrating the miracle of pregnancy and birth we focus on mom "getting back her body" and being a mom and a wife and a girlfriend and a sister. It's just crazy to me! I can't believe sometimes why people care SO MUCH about it. Then celebrating the "dad bod" and don't give men ANY crap about their pot bellies! It's like hello, WE were the ones who put on 50 pounds and had 24-48 long labors! UGH! I could go on, lol, but I wont.

I'm here cheering you on. Enjoy your holiday!

You
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-22-2015, 05:00 AM
Post: #9
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
Yikes! i'm ten pounds up. 196.2 poinds. Jeez. Yuk.

Back when I have digested that (instead of the All Inclusive carb fest I have been digesting for the last fourteen days, clearly!!)
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
08-22-2015, 01:32 PM
Post: #10
RE: Hello. My name's Dakota and I never want to feel like this again....
Welcome back! That vacation weight will be gone before you know it once you get back to a "normal" routine...

Anitra Soto
Team EM2WL
ISSA Certified Fitness Trainer
ISSA Certified Specialist in Senior Fitness

My EM2WL Journey: http://eatmore2weighless.com/never-too-old-anitra/
Find all posts by this user
Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)