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It's MY time to change....finally
03-11-2016, 09:10 PM
Post: #1
Wink It's MY time to change....finally
I've never been much of a journaler, but I'm all about trying new things this year especially because it's MY time to change...finally.

Hello everyone - I've never really journaled and since I don't think anyone IRL knows me here, I decided to start in this forum blushing.

I'm a 40-year-old wife and mom of 2 kids (8 & 4). The 3 pillars of my life are faith, family, and fitness. I work full-time as Human Resources Manager (which equals lots of sitting). I am also in the final year (applause :prayhappy of completing my dissertation (more sitting). In my spare time I try to be very involved in my kids lives/activities. They are active in sports and church. So I'm also a leader in my son's scout pack, a board member of the PTO, and help in the nursery at my church.

I'm 5'3" and 166#. In the past few years, trying to loose fat is like an episode of mission impossible. Since the birth of my 4 year old, I have not been able to loose the baby weight (lol). But seriously I gained about 30# and never really lost it or I'm at least hanging on to a good 20# of that 30#.

Okay here is my first nonfitness related confession - I have not really told anyone IRL that I have been working on obtaining my doctorate for the past 4 years. Aside from my immediate family and 1-2 friends, no one knows. I'm totally a Type A personality and I've been soooo afraid that I would not complete the process, but here I am...Just waiting for QRM approval so that I can get IRB approval and then begin conducting my study. Anticipated graduation date is October of 2016Exclamation

My fitness journey has been epic (in my mind). I was never into fitness or sports as a child and so I've been overweight my entire life. In high school, I was a pom-pom dancer, but that is really all the activity I ever got. When graduating college I was over 200#'s. In my mid 20's I began to workout and became a cardio bunny. A few years later I found the IRON and developed a love of lifting. I lost weight on my own without a trainer or nutritionist and got to about 145#. But I never learned anything about proper nutrition or exercise until I was in my mid 30's.

I relocated to another state 9 years ago and my health was totally wrecked, but I didn't know it because I had always felt so bad. I remember telling my mom that I always felt like a 65-year-old woman ( I was 30 at the time). I had extreme night sweats, stomach pains, exhausted all the time, no libido, mood swings, I would need to take a nap after workouts.....I was laid off for 2 years and it was the best thing to happen to me. I attributed my fatigue symptoms to the fact that I was a new mom (caring for a newborn with no family to assist) and I was working full time but when I lost my job and was home all day (and my son was in daycare) and I was still exhausted my mother strongly advocated that I seek help, immediately. What would we do without moms angel. I had gone to medical doctor's in the past with no real help because all my numbers looked fine.. My mom strongly encouraged me to go to a naturopathic doctor and this was the beginning of me regaining my health.

With the help of my ND I was diagnosed with CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) and Adrenal fatigue (to start). I was also diagnosed with IBS and told to omit dairy and gluten. Following the advice of my doctor I started to feel better - it took about 2-3 years but I was finally in the best shape of my life. Eating whole nutritious foods, training like a beast with weights sprinkled with cardio. I remember I was so frustrated because my weight kept increasing - duhUndecided I was gaining muscle/body recomping but I didn't know what that meant back then.

After the birth of my second child (4 years ago) I was beating (or at least trying unsuccessfully) to force my body to drop weight. I'm a strong (but non-judgemental) advocate for breast feeding and I was nursing my small child (for a year), working out 6 days a week, and working full time. I got to about 150# and my body just quityawn - I was probably eating about 1500-1800 calories -umm can you say starvation modenail biting

I then found ETF (eating the food) a facebook group which advocates eating to match activity and discarding unnecessary food rules. The group advocates moderation of all things and helps many people with disoriented eating patterns. I was pretty orthorexic at this point so joining the group was great to instill some balance, but I probably gained about 10-15# that has never left me. I've been working out consistently 6 days a week since the birth of my last child 4 years ago and frankly if you saw me and I told you that I worked out 1 hour per day, 6 days a week - you would call me a filthy liar cause my body looks as if it has not worked out in years.

Three years ago I contracted C.Diff (horrific) Undecided:-/which hospitalized me. After getting rid of C.Diff, I contracted SIBO (probably bc of the C.Diff). I had SIBO for about 12-18 months without a diagnosis. I was feeling terrible, but no one could figure out why, except my ND's (gotta love my docs). I finally cured myself of SIBO in December of 2015 and here I am in March 2016 ready to change.

Facts: I've got some GI issues that are correlated with my nutrition. I can eat whatever I want, but I will pay for it. Avoiding dairy, gluten, grains, peanut butter, corn, beans, legumes, and severely limiting rice have helped tremendously. But it's hard cause that well restriction is hard - lol. I met and worked with Melissa Toler who is amazing and a strong advocate of body acceptance at any size.

About a year ago I came across eat more to weigh less. Truthfully, they had me at EAT MORE! Everything made sense regarding eating more and the strong suggestions to lift. However, my body seems like it is just unwilling to change. I would love to drop about 25# of fat, but I know that this is not a linear process.

I've worked with doctors, nutritionists, online trainers, and coaches in the past and decided to try again with a coach for the last time. But I am tired....I'm actively working to love myself while my body is in the progress of changing.

So I'm working with a coach and my goal over the next 12 months while we work together is for me to listen - clearly what I have been doing isn't working so if my coach tells me to lift, I lift. If she tells me to periodize, I periodize. Plus in the final stages of my dissertation, I just don't have the energy to try to figure out what to do on my own.

But this is my last 12 months - I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to improve my physique and I am tired. But let's see how the next 12 months go...

My fitness goals include to:
be a published transformation/success story
bench my body weight
deadlift 1.5 my body weight
loose 25# of fat
complete 5 unassisted pull-up's
become a certified Zumba instructor

All my posts won't be this long rambling

I'm looking forward to future...
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03-11-2016, 10:26 PM
Post: #2
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
Wow, that you so much for sharing your story! You have been through a lot... Oh, and so impressive about going for your doctorate!

Sounds like you are on a great path, and it's awesome that you have a coach to guide you! It's a shame that your food needs to be restricted, but with a history like that I am sure you have a clear understanding of what you can and can not eat (and having knowledgeable doctors in your corner is so important)!

I can't wait to hear more about your progress --- please keep us updated and use this journal. It's a great place to come back and reflect.

Anitra Soto
Team EM2WL
ISSA Certified Fitness Trainer
ISSA Certified Specialist in Senior Fitness

My EM2WL Journey: http://eatmore2weighless.com/never-too-old-anitra/
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03-12-2016, 10:01 AM
Post: #3
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
Welcome!

Sorry for typos- on mobile!

MFP @saranharm
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03-12-2016, 11:29 AM
Post: #4
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
Welcome, and thank for sharing. Be sure to post and let us know how its going, or come when you have questions or just need to whine/vent/celebrate. Right now I'm on an anti-candida protocal through my naturopath so I'm emphathizing with you on all the stuff you can't eat... my list is the same. I may be hitting you up for recipes. happy
Is your coach working with you on nutrition as well or just the lifting component?
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03-13-2016, 06:36 PM
Post: #5
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
(03-12-2016 11:29 AM)emma Wrote:  Welcome, and thank for sharing. Be sure to post and let us know how its going, or come when you have questions or just need to whine/vent/celebrate. Right now I'm on an anti-candida protocal through my naturopath so I'm emphathizing with you on all the stuff you can't eat... my list is the same. I may be hitting you up for recipes. happy
Is your coach working with you on nutrition as well or just the lifting component?

Emma - oh I feel your struggle - I've done that anti-candida protocol- it's tough but it totally worked for me. It was worth the struggle for the outcome (which hopefully encourages you to push through). My coach (em2wl) helps with nutrition/training. I started with just nutrition (last year) while I did beachbody beast program (which I really loved). I got sick and had to stop and then this year I decided to just turn everything (nutrition/training) over to my coach.

btw I have lots of recipes lol so let me know if you ever want to swap...when I did the anti-candida though I just really focused on plain protein and veggies - i.e. flank steak (grilled) with kale and bacon crumbles...
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03-13-2016, 06:49 PM (This post was last modified: 03-13-2016 06:50 PM by Jdnara.)
Post: #6
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
(03-12-2016 10:01 AM)Jc_wt Wrote:  Welcome!

Thanks JC!

(03-11-2016 10:26 PM)AnitraSoto Wrote:  Wow, that you so much for sharing your story! You have been through a lot... Oh, and so impressive about going for your doctorate!

Sounds like you are on a great path, and it's awesome that you have a coach to guide you! It's a shame that your food needs to be restricted, but with a history like that I am sure you have a clear understanding of what you can and can not eat (and having knowledgeable doctors in your corner is so important)!

I can't wait to hear more about your progress --- please keep us updated and use this journal. It's a great place to come back and reflect.


Thanks Anitra - I am hoping that the reflection (looking back) will help me move forward.
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03-13-2016, 07:01 PM
Post: #7
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
.....So....I had my weigh in on Saturday -nail bitingnot talkingrolling eyes - Terrible...I had a 2-3# weight gain. But I refuse to stress or dwell on it...I went out with co-workers on Thursday night (my rest day for workouts for the week) - the company was treating and I am just not passing up an opportunity to eat for free on the company so I went. It was the first time I had gone out to eat in a restaurant since July 2015 (about 8 months ago). I tried to do the right thing by sticking with protein (filet mignon) but one of my problems is moderation. Plus, I had a few cocktails (wine/sangria). Whenever I veer off of my "plan" it's like the flood gates are opened (i.e. my mouth) and I just eat. I am sure that it is because I am overly restrictive (with my sensitivities). But I don't know how to change, especially since I am in a cut. I probably went over my cut calories by about 500-600 that day. I am happy that I just moved on for Friday and did not try to over exercise or cut my calories the next day obsessively.

One of my goals is to learn how to balance my eating. I want to be able to enjoy celebrations surrounding food without being an outcast and not eating, but also not overeating. This will be a huge part of my journey. I have definitely improved as before in the past I would have just kept overeating for a day so I am going to celebrate the progress that I have made and continue to move forward.

Today (my other rest day from working out) after 11 am service we had church-wide celebratory meal to honor Pastor's birthday. There was sooo much food and fellowship - it was wonderfulblushing. But I am not sure how to handle these (food) situations. Granted they do not happen often (because I usually decline to participate), but when pop-up celebrations involving food occur it presents challenges. Do I eat or avoid the food? So I am only estimating how many calories that I ate today cause I don't really know what I was eating. The church is very diverse and it was potluck style so who knows what I ate -I opted to stick with protein sources and have a small bite or two of a few proteins. Probably a few tablespoons of rice, and some bites of dessert.

I decided to participate in both food events despite being in a cut because I don't want fat loss to be my life, but rather a small part of a much longer journey of self-improvement and change.

Eating food that you can't log is frustrating, but it's life. I really had no idea what I was eating today but the food was prepared with love and tasting foods from other cultures is so much fun.

I feel like this week has been an 80/20 week with these 2 unexpected food situations, but then I also wonder if this is what holds my progress back. I guess we shall see next Saturday when I weigh in.
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03-13-2016, 09:13 PM
Post: #8
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
Well, hopefully you realize that there is no way that 2 - 3 pounds showing up on the scale today is fat. Any fast gains (and losses) are always water. Fat and muscle is much slower to both come and go. So, with that knowledge, just put those days behind you, and just remember the positives. Remember your friends, the camaraderie and the variety of foods you enjoyed. Just like you said, no need to over-compensate, cut back on your intake, or increase your cardio. Just get right back to doing what you know makes you feel good. Use today to get right back on track and that water weight will be gone before you know it.

Like you have acknowledged, the going overboard is most likely caused by your restrictive diet. Normally, allowing yourself to indulge in these items reduces those urges and desires to binge, but that may not be (medically) possible for you..

The good thing is that you did allow yourself to participate in these events and are not letting food rule your life. Not logging for one (or two) days is not the end of the world, and in the grander scheme of things will make zero difference. As long as the over-indulgences do not become the norm, it's all good! Noe of us want to look forward to a life "on a diet" ... that's why we are here!

Have a fabulous week and enjoy what comes your way!

Anitra Soto
Team EM2WL
ISSA Certified Fitness Trainer
ISSA Certified Specialist in Senior Fitness

My EM2WL Journey: http://eatmore2weighless.com/never-too-old-anitra/
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03-15-2016, 07:13 PM
Post: #9
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
Thanks for helping to put things in perspective Anitra - you are totally correct that the gains are probably water and keeping it moving is crucial.

Today was a rough morning in the fat loss world for me. I was getting ready for my am workout and my sports bra was sooo snug - ugh. I can just feel how I am not making the progress that I want re:fat loss. Although I just started a new program 2 weeks ago, I've been exercising and focusing on nutrition for quite some time. I'm an early morning exerciser and all I wanted to do was just get back in the bed (and cry a bit). But I just put those thoughts aside and did my workout. I didn't even want to journal about how I feel about my body at this time (i.e. feeling super fat), but I decided to write it because I am anticipating that one day I will review my old journal entries and be so proud of the progress that I have made.

This is week 2 of my cut - at 1950 calories/endurance workouts - I'm not much of a fan of endurance workouts but change and challenging myself is good -plus it's only 4 weeks and then on to hypertophy and more food!!!! More food is always fun. Preparing for a busy weekend filled with fun activities with the kids and a new hairstyle for me. Kinda nervous about the new style, but looking forward to something different and hopefully easier.
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03-17-2016, 08:12 AM
Post: #10
RE: It's MY time to change....finally
I am so glad you participated in the church social with all that lovely food. One of the fantastic things I've learned on here is "LIFE HAPPENS!" We need to enjoy it, not separate ourselves from it. You nailed it when you said that these things don't happen often. Enjoy them! Food is part of life. We can enjoy it without going overboard. One day doesn't change our commitment to fitness. It's a blip in the radar of our overall plan. Don't forget to live!
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