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I Finally Get it
07-15-2013, 03:39 PM
Post: #1
Heart I Finally Get it
This is my first post so happy and excited to be here!

I suffered with Binge Eating Disorder for over 15 years.

I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 6.
I started binging on sugar when I was 12 and despite being very skinny, I started dieting at 14.

I used pills & excessive dieting which caused me to constantly binge for over 15 years. I was hospitalized 3 times in my early 20’s once with diabetic ketoacidosis. I used to binge so badly I couldn’t even stand. Unable to throw up I would excessively diet and exercise to make up for binges.

On my 32nd Birthday something snapped and I couldn’t do it anymore, I read a life changing book called intuitive eating. I didn’t even care what I looked like anymore - I would obsessively diet and not lose a pound -I was tired, burnt out and sick of leading a double life most of my friends didn’t even know about. I have always been on a quest for a mind, body and soul connection - my own inner peace. I have always loved clean organic eating and natural overal health. Many people saw me as “healthy” but behind closed doors I was someone else.

After I gave up dieting I lost 10lbs and felt great. I ate food I love like peanut butter, avocados, cheese, coconut and didn’t even crave my “binge foods”. However after a vacation, hurricane sandy changing my life and then the holidays I put on weight. I felt I loss control and fell back into my old ways - I wasnt binging but I was over eating - At 5’8” I was 160 where I was 135 at my lowest. I was MISERABLE!

This sent me into a tailspin - I cut my cals to 1300 - it didn’t cause me to binge because it was more than I used to eat on a diet, I still ate the foods I loved plus I didn’t think I was even that hungry! But guess what? I lost NO WEIGHT - Last month I went from 1300 to 1600 after reading a lot of articles about not eating enough on diets. Still at 1600 calories and exercising 6 days a week NOTHING. I HATED myself & thought i ruined my metabolism for the rest of my life.

I came across your site and everything is making sense - I truly understand what’s going in with my metabolism - I feel this is the last piece of my puzzle and god put it in front of me at a time when I was ready (now).

I spent so much of my life up till now hating myself - denying myself - hurting myself - missing out on things - while all I want is a pure clean healthy life. To look lean and toned. So here I am - I already love Kiki and Lucia and its amazing how after discovering your site something clicked - I look forward to my journey to healing my metabolism and soul - the right way!

Slowly working my way to 2300 calories (very scarred!) - just ordered the New Rules of Weight Lifting book - lowering my cardio - increasing weights - ready to feel & look my best!
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07-15-2013, 11:31 PM
Post: #2
RE: I Finally Get it
Wow! What an amazing testimony!

And it will only get better from here happy

The journey will have it's ups and downs but trust me that you will be able to heal what you thought was broken, regain your body's trust, and get back to a more healthy relationship with food. We're here for you every step of the way big grin

Congrats on taking your life back wink

Kiki (aka rambling )
EM2WL.com
My MFP Diary


Looking for me? Follow the chocolate trail cool ....
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07-16-2013, 07:30 AM
Post: #3
RE: I Finally Get it
Absolutely an amazing testimony. This is a new beginning for you. A life long and rewarding journey. As Kiki said there are ups and downs but you press through and lean on this support group. We will do this together.

Lucia

Eating more, lifting heavy and loving life!
big grin

MFP
EM2WL.com
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07-16-2013, 03:17 PM
Post: #4
RE: I Finally Get it
Thank you both so so much - so happy to be part of EM2LW and looking forward to the next phase! happy
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07-25-2013, 03:20 PM
Post: #5
RE: I Finally Get it
I am new here as well and can relate to several aspects of your story... mostly the ED and worrying your metabolism is ruined forever. I believe in EM2WL though... we can do this! Good luck!
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07-26-2013, 11:34 AM
Post: #6
RE: I Finally Get it
We can do this! I know this is the solution and I am sticking with it! - good luck to you as well happy
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07-29-2013, 11:08 AM
Post: #7
RE: I Finally Get it
Welcome! I just wanted to say that weight training has been so awesome for me. I have done the yo-yo thing for years now and would live by the scale. Everytime I have lost weight previously, I did lots of cardio and cut calories or carbs (which really cuts your cals also). When I first started trying to lose March 1, 2012 my cals were cut pretty low but I started circuit training with dumb bells. Within a few months my energy tanked, my weight-loss stalled and the scariest part is my hair started falling out, a lot. I did some research and upped my cals, protein and iron and that seemed to help. Within a month or so, though I started feeling bad and hungry all the time. So, I upped again. And again, and again over the months. I also started picking up heavier and heavier weights. I learned that I couldn't trust the scale anymore and my daily weigh-ins went to once a week to once a month and now maybe once every 6 weeks. Progress pictures and tape measurements have proven that the scale is a lier.

Now, I eat between 2000-2500 cals a day. My weight-loss is really slow sometimes non-existent and I'm ok with that. I love the way I feel. No foods are off limits. I, of course, don't eat some foods often. But, not because of guilt or shame over them, but because I don't like the way I feel after eating them. Learning to listen to my body instead of some crazy diet or guru is amazing and freeing.

I found EM2WL, I think around the first of the year. The friends I have met on EM2WL have been such a huge support and encouragement. Lucia and Kiki are a great resource and blessing. I didn't mean to write such a long post I just wanted to welcome you and say be patient and open to this new process and with time you will see and feel the improvements.
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07-30-2013, 11:29 AM
Post: #8
RE: I Finally Get it
Thank you! I am in a very different part of my life now so its actually easy for me to be patient. I am not looking for "quick results" I am looking to heal and I am determined to enjoy myself and enjoy life. I CANT DIET ANYMORE!!!!! I am eating the same as you - i enjoy foods and other foods I like I don't eat just cause i don't feel good after! I am eating 1800 calories now up from 1600 a couple weeks ago when I started. I haven't gained weight so i feel good - I am trying to use intuitive eating as well as EM2WL because in the end I don't want to count calories anymore! Thank you for welcoming me and I look forward to the future now - I don't constantly think about the future and how skinny I will be if I just stop eating lol!
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07-31-2013, 06:00 PM
Post: #9
RE: I Finally Get it
You sound like you're in such a healthy place right now!

I'm so happy for you, and pray that MANY others are reading your words. The fact that you haven't even gained, I believe is really showing how low your stress levels are at this point. So many people jump in, yet at the same time are horrifyingly stressed about the whole ordeal. The first place that tells me that (whether they say it or not, although I can usually tell by the amount of exclamation marks in their subject line tongue) is by what the scale does. Boy is it a doozey when cals are increased with stress at the center.

And I love that you are starting with intuitive eating in mind, as that is our ultimate goal for everyone in the fam. ULTIMATE freedom. big grin

Keep up the positivity happy

Kiki (aka rambling )
EM2WL.com
My MFP Diary


Looking for me? Follow the chocolate trail cool ....
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
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08-23-2013, 12:45 PM
Post: #10
RE: I Finally Get it
Hi!! I didn't even know you wrote that last post till now - thank you!!
Trying to stay positive but I'm in a rut...

I successfully added that 200 calories into my diet so I am at 1800 calories with no gain or loss :/
However, I have been stuck here since then because:

On Saturdays I have a free day where I don't count calories. I start off good - from lunch on I enjoy and don’t count (or binge!) - including drinks and dessert happy So I figure on Saturdays I easily eat AT LEAST 3000 calories.

Occasionally I also go out to lunch or dinner on Sunday - I pick healthful options but I’m probably over 1800 calories.

So every week I am like I cant add in more calories because I ate too much over the weekend. I also think: these extra calories I eat on Saturday probably bring me close to my weeks total calories if I was eating lets say 2,000-2,300 a day.

How do I handle this?

BTW
I just listened to the half-size me podcast I loved it and cant wait for part 2- the part when you said people come up with their own numbers is sooo me! Even though I am fully committed to this process I decided in the beginning 2,000 calories a day was enough for me when I should be eating 2300!
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