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Another Newbie! TLDR - question at end
07-25-2013, 04:21 PM
Post: #1
Another Newbie! TLDR - question at end
Hi everyone! My name is Melanie. I posted something similar on the forum on MFP but this seems like a more active place these days... and I just discovered this forum. I'm starting my fourth week of a reset, although for the first week I didn't realize that was what I was doing. I had just had enough of eating VLC and exercising like a maniac and getting NOWHERE.

A little back story (and I use the word "little" lightly, because I'm wordy!)... I've suffered from bulimia off and on since I was probably 16. I'm now 31. I don't know an exact timeline, but if I had to guess I'd say that it wasn't a real huge issue from maybe age 21 until 26... which still puts me at 10 years of it being an issue. After I had my second child I decided it was time to lose the weight I gained in the previous 5 years. I was doing low calories, but not really exercising, although I was breastfeeding. The weight fell off quickly. From the day I gave birth until my sons first birthday I lost 70 pounds, putting me at 125-130 lbs at 5'1", which seemed to be a good weight for me. The problem was that the low calories triggered my bulimia to come back full force. When I was pregnant for that second child, my husband began working nights, so once he was born (and was colicky and up all night long), night time would be my time to binge after being "good" all day long.

That pretty much continued to be the trend from that point on. I even purged probably a couple times a week while I was pregnant with my third child. I didn't gain a whole lot, and thought I was going to lose a TON of weight once she was born and I was breastfeeding her. Well that wasn't the case. I couldn't lose no matter how low my calories went and how much I exercised. I was doing 1200 calories on the days I could resist purging, exercising 5 days a week, and burning 500+ calories breastfeeding... yet I couldn't do anything other than maybe go down 5 pounds, only to jump right back up to where I started. (Duh! I probably was netting in the negatives some days!)

I would like to say that throughout the day, until my nighttime binge/purge sessions, I ate really well... the right portions, the right foods, and I kept these things down... but because I was eating so little considering the circumstances I couldn't stop eating at night.

I ended up fessing up to my husband (who knew about it but thought that I was waaaay past that) and started working toward recovery but still trying to lose weight. That didn't work. I was a little better but not great. Then, I put on 5 more pounds when starting a BC pill and a new job, and really went downhill. Finally I knew I was not only hurting myself but not setting a good example for my children who started making comments about how little I ate throughout the day. I also got very depressed, was always exhausted, short tempered, etc.

I went to my doctor in April of this year, confessed, and asked for help. She suggested counselling, which I can't afford, so as a last option, she put me on a medication that is helping tremendously, but is known to be an appetite suppressant. I easily went back to 1200-1500 calories without the binge/purge aspect plus exercising 5-6 days a week. Still didn't lose anything. Three weeks ago I had enough. I was sick of eating the same VLC things day in and day out and killing myself at the gym with no results (other than the fact that my blood work all came back excellent. My "good cholesterol" was so good she said, it was "almost unheard of"). I just took a stab at my TDEE and started eating there. Within a few days I found "In Place of a Road Map" and from there found EM2WL.

I'm reading NROL and still learning...

TL;DR: The thing is, minus an inital jump that was definitely water weight that has subsided, I'm still just fluctuating around the same weight I have been for two years. That is the part that I really don't know what to think about... I'm really happy about that, but wondering if I still need to make some adjustments to heal my metabolism. Am I still not eating enough? I'm 5'1", 138 lbs., approx 26%bf, moderately active (desk job, strength 3x a week, HIIT 2x a week, plus chasing 3 kids) and eating between 2000-2100. Trying to make them mostly healthy calories and trying to hit my macros, but I seem to have at least one "treat" a day.

Soooo glad this group exists!!! happy
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07-25-2013, 05:36 PM
Post: #2
RE: Another Newbie! TLDR - question at end
Hey Melanie!

Welcome to fam big grin

So, what I'm hearing is that you're still in reset...are you concerned that you aren't gaining? or losing? LOL.

It sounds as if your weight is pretty stable, which is slightly unusual considering your background. Not that I want you to gain tons, lol, it's just odd for it to stabilize so soon in the reset with such a strong binge background.

Honestly, I would try to inch the cals up just a tad higher (maybe another 50-100cals?), not really for weight gain, but to ensure that you are truly eating enough to cover your activity level, and because at this stage of recovery, it's better to go over, than under. The higher the level that you can get your cals to stabilize at, the better. Your metabolism will speed up to meet the demand of food, and it will help you if/when you decide to cut to be able fend off the temptation to binge.

At this point, I would actually recommend that you plan on taking a longer reset than most. Cutting too soon could bring back some demons that you aren't ready to fight off yet. You need as much time as possible to heal mentally and physically right now. wink

Kiki (aka rambling )
EM2WL.com
My MFP Diary


Looking for me? Follow the chocolate trail cool ....
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07-25-2013, 07:48 PM
Post: #3
RE: Another Newbie! TLDR - question at end
Thank you for the reply! Actually my concern is that I haven't gained or lost. I completely expected to gain so I guess mostly I'm wondering why I haven't. Of course I don't really expect you to know the answer to that. I just think its weird. I have a fit bit flex and it generally says I burn somewhere between 1900-2200.

I am really not in any sort of hurry to cut at all. I haven't thought about how long I want to eat at TDEE, but no less than 8 weeks. Do you think I should aim for 12 or longer?

I haven't hit my TDEE every day but some days I have gone way over so I feel like its balanced. Part of me is just happy I'm maintaining at this amount of calories and doesn't want to go higher but I realize I probably should...

Thank you again!
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07-31-2013, 06:09 PM
Post: #4
RE: Another Newbie! TLDR - question at end
Yes. 12+ weeks would be wonderful. You really wanna get the most out of this time.

Most people don't believe it until it's too late, but the KEY to a successful cut is a successful reset. A rushed reset almost always leads to a disappointing cut.

I took 12+ weeks for my own reset wink (stopped counting after 12 lol, I was just enjoying it too much!)

Kiki (aka rambling )
EM2WL.com
My MFP Diary


Looking for me? Follow the chocolate trail cool ....
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08-01-2013, 01:55 PM
Post: #5
RE: Another Newbie! TLDR - question at end
I just have to say thank you so much for responding to this and my post about my inflated arms. The timing couldn't have been better. For whatever reason, I was having a horrible night. My dinner had more calories than I expected it to and I hadn't planned ahead. I went over by 400-500 calories. I felt bloated and gross and was thisclose to going back to purging. I mean, I swear, I was ready to hit the cupboard for a binge and my email sounded saying I got a response to these messages.
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08-01-2013, 07:14 PM
Post: #6
RE: Another Newbie! TLDR - question at end
No prob wink

As for going over on the cals...it happens..

It's life, and quite honestly, some days we just plain NEED the extra cals. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Try not to feel guilt over those moments, or turn them into an all out binge. It will take time, but the process becomes easier. One step at at time.

Every day is a new day big grin

Kiki (aka rambling )
EM2WL.com
My MFP Diary


Looking for me? Follow the chocolate trail cool ....
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
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